The results are coming in from this holiday season’s box office, and they are staggeringly bad. Almost everything is tanking, or at least performing below expectations. But let’s look at the ingredients in this fruitcake, shall we? My sister Katie is a producer and when she rattled off some recent movie budgets to me, I could not believe them… so I had to look them up myself. Check out these estimated budgets (taken from Box Office Mojo):

Dinner for Schmucks – $80 Million
Sex and the City 2 – $100 Million
Little Fockers – $100 Million
How Do You Know – $120 Million!!!

Yeah. You read that right. Expensive. Stupidly expensive. And none of these projects has come close to breaking even.

It’s easy to pick on the ballooning costs of “Event Films” like “Tron,” “Iron Man” or the “Narnia” movies, but at least in those movies you have to make people fly or turn into dragons. THESE recent budgets are much more disturbing to me. The four films above are mainly about PEOPLE IN ROOMS. People in offices, people driving cars, people shopping, people sitting down to dinner. How in the world does any studio justify $100-$120 million for what is basically an episode of “Cougar Town?” Do movie stars mean that much? Not really, as we’ve seen time and time again. If you ran any other business with these kinds of costs giving you these kinds of results, you would be FIRED. Your company would go out of business. COME ON, STUDIOS. Stop scratching your heads over this.

Here’s the answer: Do it cheaper. “Eat Pray Love” cost only $60 million and it shot all over the world with a movie star. “Date Night” had car chases and shot in New York with TWO movie stars and it was only $55 million. “Valentine’s Day” was a mega hit with fourteen stars in it and cost around $50 million. One of the biggest hits this year was “Easy A” and it cost only $8 million! That’s a movie in basically the SAME GENRE with the SAME SCOPE as “How Do You Know,” and it was 112 MILLION DOLLARS CHEAPER. My eyeballs cannot keep from popping out of my head when I say that.

You CAN make movies cheaper. Especially when the genre calls for it. And if studios can figure that out, they can make MORE movies with LESS financial risk. And then hopefully they can take more CREATIVE risks and have the money to do so when it really counts. But right now, they are still spending huge amounts making “safe bets” that, apparently, no one wants to see.

Let me be clear here: I’m not picking on “How Do You Know.” I haven’t even seen it. God bless Reese, James Brooks and everyone else in it. But the cost for that movie makes NO SENSE. The budget expectation for this kind of movie needs to come back down to $20-$40 Million, regardless of who’s in it. Because there’s no way this thing is going to make “Lord Of The Rings” money.

It’s beyond me. Welcome to Crazy Town. My only hope is that the pendulum swings back to a search for genuinely unique MATERIAL instead of just the right COMPONENTS. You can add up big star + successful genre + familiar brand, but it still doesn’t equal “Good Movie.” Please Hollywood, start opening your doors a little wider for creators in 2011. Because without creators and their new stories, your movie stars and marketing people have nothing to do.

Don’t miss this vintage holiday special! I still play the Journey song around this time of year. Memories…

You read that right… my headline is a reference to a bad ICE-T movie. The one where he’s got crazy dreads and rich white guys hunt him in the forest.

But the movie business IS a game — one where the rules constantly change. And the players change too. Oh yeah, and the points system, and the objective, and the way to win. That’s why I go from feeling like a “player on a roll” to very exhausted and bewildered… like when someone pulls out “Monopoly” at 9 pm. Sorry, even the sight of that BOX makes me sleepy, guys. But the game here in Movie Town is to make something that already has brand awareness. That’s code for “No New Ideas Allowed.” Unless you are James Cameron or Chris Nolan, you do not get an open door to pitch your super-cool original idea that is not based on any comic or plush toy. You must chase down something with “pre-existing awareness.”

Unless it’s a REALLY VALUABLE property with a TON of pre-existing awareness… then everyone around the project gets too nervous to do anything with it and then it just languishes in development for years (cough-cough–“Fraggle Rock!” But more on that project later).

The rules keep changing. The economy keeps sucking. And studios keep wimping out and looking for “safe bets.” But even JAMES BOND and the HOBBIT got taken down by this recession. From the conversations I’ve had with even the most established producers, this has been a time to keep your head down and just make it through the hailstorm with as few dents as possible. On the upside, if you can find work and keep working, you console yourself with the fact that you are still making a living by “professionally pretending.”

I’ve enjoyed some recent rewrite work, which makes me feel like I’m at least helping improve any material already out there. I think I’ll start calling rewrite assignments “Upgrading.”  “Yeah, I gotta go ‘Upgrade’ a script for Warner Brothers.”

Cameron Crowe was right, Hollywood IS like a big high school. But it’s also a high school on a giant game board with three kinds of dice and the instruction card missing. And that’s why it makes perfect sense that the only things left to turn into movies are games.

Let’s go. I can sell out as much as the next guy.

“CANDYLAND: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK TOOTH.”

“HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS: A QUANTUM OF MARBLES.”

“BOGGLE BEGINS.”

“CONNECT FOUR: DIAGONALLY, IN 3D.”

Pretty sneaky, sis. It’s like ‘T’ says, y’all, “It’s all about gettin’ yours. It’s all about survival.”

I am a nerd. A geek. A fanboy. I know where to get a lightsaber. I’ve watched all four versions of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” My desk has a Jawa on it. But I’m not ashamed any more, because this is the Golden Age of the Nerd. Because of mainstream brands like “Harry Potter,” “Avatar” and the upcoming “Tron: Legacy,” the nerds are inheriting the earth.

The terms NERD and GEEK are actually cool now. GEEK culture has become POP culture. To be a GEEK is a status symbol now — a stylish archetype that the super-hip put on like a pair of horn-rimmed glasses or vintage high tops. Even hot actresses like to hang out at Comic Con and brag about how “nerdy” they are. Yeah, Jessica Alba. You’re a total nerd. I think in high school, you and I would have been friends. Oh wait, did I say high school? I meant “in my teenage dream world.”

When I was younger, the word NERD really meant something. Something horrible.

See, the REAL nerds can still remember the sting of laughter behind their backs. The smirks on the faces. The moment that one of your buddies discovers your “Greatest American Hero” Trapper Keeper notebook or your “Labyrinth” soundtrack cassette.

But for some reason, I wouldn’t give up the Nerd Life. At the risk of being a social outcast, I continued to stock up on action figures – which are NOT DOLLS, ladies, no matter what argument you use! I still wore my Star Wars T-shirts, the kind with the rubber transfer that makes your chest all sweaty. Because that stuff is my escape pod. It’s the candy-coated shell that makes all of the dull stuff bearable. Especially in high school.

Sci-Fi nerds are so strong, we’ve got our own channel. Although I think the SYFY Channel doesn’t really cater to the upper-crust of the fan base. Aside from “Battlestar Galactica,” most of the original programming on SYFY is geared toward the dumbest of basement-dwellers. Have you seen the SYFY ORIGINAL MOVIES? Man, that is some B-Movie monster poop. Most of them are great examples of how to make a movie with the least possible effort.

SYFY movies always have a one-word title: MINOTAUR. CYCLOPS. YETI. INFESTATION. SUPERGATOR! Oh yeah. “Supergator.” See, if a title isn’t SCIENCE FICTIONY enough, you can always take TWO words and jam them together to make one crazy NEW word. That creates great titles like EARTHSTORM. ICE-SPIDERS. MEGASNAKE. MAN-SQUITO! I’m telling you people, these are REAL titles. You can look them up! There is a movie on there called MEGAFAULT! You know who’s “megafault” that is, Syfy? Yours.

Go ahead and laugh. Laugh at the nerds. But chances are, you’re a super nerd yourself. Just about something else.

I like to say that EVERYONE is a nerd. It just depends on WHAT your poison is. Could be sports. Could be Def Leppard. It could be those home shows on HGTV. Doesn’t matter. Once you know you’re a nerd for something, you can embrace your nerdiness. You can find fan clubs, chat rooms, or kindred spirits out there who love the stuff you love.

And why are some obsessions more legitimate than others? Sports fans love to make fun of guys who stand in line for six hours to see “Return of the Jedi.” But they’ll decorate their cars, wear the foam fingers, paint their bodies, and put aside weeks and weeks of their lives for their favorite team. It’s the SAME THING, guys. Just different uniforms.

“Yeah, but the game I’m watching is in REAL LIFE.” Is it? Because the fighting stops when the whistle blows, and the whole thing is brought to you by Doritos.

It’s okay! Hey, name your firstborn child Payton Manning. Put up a Justin Timberlake poster at work. Start a scrapbooking club. I don’t care. Be the NERD you want to be! Because whatever your THING is, whatever you obsess over, once you feel comfortable waving your freak flag, it allows others to wave their flags too.

So yes, I like to wear goggles for no reason. I own an X-Wing crash helmet. I can tell the difference between a Dalek and a Cyberman. And I’m proud of it! Nerds of the world, put your hands up! Now for pete’s sake, go outside and get some exercise and sunshine.

The new trailer for “JEFFIE WAS HERE” is up today. My brother Todd wrote, starred and directed. This edit really shows a lot of the story and performances. Enjoy, and CLICK HERE to see where a screening will be in your area.

I just had lunch with Dave Goelz this week, the performer behind Gonzo, Boober and countless other classic Henson characters. How cool is that? Yes, he’s in town because shooting has started on the new Muppet movie, and no, we were not having lunch because I am close to shooting “Fraggle Rock.” But it was just amazing to sit there and hear story after story about the early Muppet days. He was there with Jim at the beginning! He also went into great detail about growing up in L.A., and how as a teenager, he and his friends figured out how to sneak on to almost every studio lot. Sorry Dave — I’m busting you. Unauthorized audience member of “The Carol Burnett Show?” What a hooligan!

Artist Steve Thomas has created travel posters from the worlds of Star Wars. They are spot on. Enjoy these samples, or BUY THEM HERE, at Star Wars.com.

Check it out, kids, I’ve finally joined the Generation of Self-Absorption and joined “The Twitter.” Now you can follow me and my deep, deep thoughts every single day. Look for me @RealCoryEdwards.

Blue Yonder Films has a clip from the new Todd Edwards comedy “Jeffie Was Here” on Funny or Die! Go check it out.

Thanks, Greg Leslie for sending this. I wondered why my computer has gotten so slow. Now I know it’s because it has a Boober in it.